Taco Monday (Woot.com)

From today’s Woot (pretty funny):

Good morning, sales associates! Who’s ready to have a fantastic day?

We’ve got a lot to talk about at this meeting, but first, here’s something kind of fun: anybody here left-handed? Let’s see.. two, three.. five… OK, cool! You guys are all fired! Not because you’re left-handed. We just need to trim the payroll and that’s an easy way for me to make the cut. Otherwise, I’d have to look at your sales records and figure out whose is best and whose is worst and frankly, I’ve got better things to do with my time. If you guys wouldn’t mind leaving now, that’d be cool. This meeting’s for employees only. Company business. Thanks!

So management has been talking about some incentives here in the workplace to keep up morale in the, uh, workplace, and that discussion led us to the following question: who here would like a Toshiba 26” LCD HDTV with a built-in DVD player? Sound good to anybody? We’re talking a 26”, 16:9 LCD screen with 720p resolution and a digital tuner – not to mention that slot-loading, DivX-certified DVD player integrated right into the side of the TV. Sounds pretty sweet, huh? Yeah? Who wants to know how it can be yours?

Well, here’s how: start doing your job a little better and you can buy one out of your paycheck. If you thought we were going to bribe you with a free TV to do what you’re supposed to be doing, it’s time to grow up, OK? You want incentives? Here’s your incentive: sell more or you’ll be out there Dumpster-diving with those left-handed losers. Everybody clear on that?

Finally, one last thing here…speaking of morale, today we’re inaugurating our first-ever Taco Monday! Everybody here likes tacos, right? Well, any employee who brought his or her own taco fixings is allowed to use the break room kitchen to make tacos between 12:15 and 12:30, assuming your lunch break is scheduled for that time. The company will provide the napkins at no charge, but there is a one-napkin-per-employee limit. Anyone found making tacos after 12:30 will be severely disciplined. All right, let’s get out there and have a great Monday – make that a great TACO Monday! Taco! Taco! Taco!